In pursuit of attracting women many males think that since when they were weak wimps and didn’t get any women that going in the complete opposite direction is what is needed. So before they worshiped women, now they hate them. Before they treated women like princesses, now they abuse them. And so on and so forth. They fail to realize that the opposite of crazy is still crazy. Life is about balance and being a healthy individual. When a man sees that a bad boy is the type of guy that gets women instead of researching it they jump to conclusions and then follow through on those. Conclusions that are false.
They were one caricature and then they transform into another. Before they were the weak wimp so now they think they need to become the macho jerk. Though no doubt the macho jerk does technically have more appeal to women than the weak wimp this is till not the end goal. Here in this article I want to point out some other traps that many men fall into that prevents them from fully developing as men and keeps them in a perpetual state of adolescents. They never develop into the bad boy/good man that drives women wild and makes an impact on the world.
Confidence Vs. Arrogance
How does confidence differ from arrogance? The thing about all of these distinctions is that they all come from an internal thing. They often have to do with your intentions. For example PUAs decry ever complementing a women. The reason is because most PUAs were losers who saw themselves as being far below women and so gave them complements so women would like them. Compare that with the man who complements a woman because it is how he truly feels. What matters is the intention no so much the action.
Confidence stems from strength and arrogance stems from insecurity and weakness. Confidence is where a man believes in himself and his ability to adapt to whatever the world throws at him. Arrogance is where a male compensates for his insecurities with false bravado. A confident man is focused on himself, namely building himself up. An arrogant male is focused on others and concerned with tearing them down to make himself look better. Arrogance is about compensation, confidence is about inner strength.
Being Dominant Vs. Being Domineering
Someone who is domineering is always try to control others and push his will on others. Others general do not want to follow this type of male because he is weak and therefore must push and prod to get his way. He is controlling and not in a good way. This stems from having an inner core of weakness. Again this comes down to a domineering person being focused on others and how they are not submitting to him. While a dominant man naturally embraces his dominance and fulfill his natural role.
Like the leader who everyone wants to lead because of his quiet confidence compared to the loud male with bravado who wants to push himself to the top despite everyone being against him. Inner focus and outer focus. The dominant man has focused on himself and building up his inner masculine power. While the domineering man has focused on others and controlling them to get his way. Others naturally submit to the dominant man because they want to. The domineering man has to use underhand tactics. Like the weird PUA who uses scripts or whatever it is they use to pick up girls compared to the normal man who happens to be an attractive man.
Loving Self Vs. Hating Others
At first this may sound obvious. I know you’re thinking “Well no shit there is a difference between loving yourself and hating others.” but bear with me. When you think of a bad boy many think of the guy who goes around putting others down and being a jerk. While this type of male embodies at least a little part of his masculine nature it is far from the full thing. He is still focused on others rather than himself. He is still trying to manipulate others rather than build himself.
Sometimes the bad boy is an ass to others because they crossed a line or showed disrespect. Not because he gets a power thrill from it. That would be like a lion getting a power thrill from knocking around a rabbit. Only animals that are likewise in power get a kick out of fighting something close to their equal. Look at bullies they pick on the weak because they themselves are weak pussies who won’t fight a real man. A bad boy isn’t someone who goes around berating or tearing down others but rather focuses on himself. He spends his time focusing on loving himself not on hating others.
Summary
What this comes down to is being inner focused vs being outer focused. Are you concerned primarily with building yourself up or using and manipulating others. Live your life for yourself not for others. Live your life to make the most out of it. Don’t get stuck in the traps mentioned above. Be an alpha not a jerk. Be confident not arrogant. Be dominant not domineering. Love yourself not hate others. If you hate someone they are not worth your time unless they are a threat to your safety and should be dealt with.
Don’t spend your life focused on people that aren’t worth it. Live your life for one person and one person only and that person is yourself. Being a good bad boy isn’t about cutting down others, most people aren’t worth you time and attention as it is. But rather it is about building yourself up. To grow my a mouse to a lion. Not about trying to cut down other mice so they don’t grow past you. See the difference, this is the key.
If you have any questions you would like to see answered in a future post send them to me at charlessledge001 (at) gmail (dot) com. If you found value in this post then I would encourage you to share this site with someone who may need it as well as check out my books here. I appreciate it.
-Charles Sledge
